i’ve always been a vivid dreamer. and i’ve had many SUPER bizarro dreams that were vivid. like a dream i had in college that my dad was a surgeon performing a c-section on a frog (my dad is a carpenter and this frog was way too big to be realistic). or one i had a few years ago that my husband’s father came back for a visit and arrived to streets full of people cheering and waiting to see him (he passed away in Sept. 2001) – that one had me up and weeping in the middle of the night.
now my dreams are vivid, bizarre, and about my baby. one, from last week, was about me being an involuntary time traveler. i gave birth to my baby girl in a field somewhere and then my body was swept away from her before we could have any time together at all. i was gone for, what felt to me like, four years and i was so adamant in this other time that i had a baby girl who needed me that i was put in a mental institution where all i could was moan and cry for my child. as unexpectedly as i was whisked away i was sent back and my baby was still the same as when i left her but i had experienced these four years of terrible mental torture on top of the joy upon our reunion.
last night i dreamt that i gave birth to TWO baby girls. and then i had to go back to living my normal life the next day. i had to go to work (apparently i worked in an office) and the whole time i was there i was begging Paul to take me home because the babies were probably very hungry and they needed me! then i had to run errands, ended up at a supermarket, and there were a lot of high school people in this scene. none of them believed me that i had to get home because i had two brand-new babies that needed their momma. anguish. seriously.
i have a feeling this is going to be a theme for a while. maybe forever? now that i have this new giant love growing inside of me the worst thing would be being withheld from her or kept from my responsibility of caring for her. i hope my weird dreams tonight are happy ones.